The First Day of Kindergarten

Despite everything I’ve learned, and despite the niggling thought that Allie is not just a tomboy, I convince her to wear a dress for the first day of Kindergarten. I explain to her that she should want to make a good first impression for her teacher, and dressing nice is a great way to do that.

Allie doesn’t want to. She pouts her lips and gets angry. So I bribe her. “How about you wear whatever shorts you want under your dress, and you don’t have to wear a dress again for a long time? And we will get Rita’s after school.” She reluctantly agrees, and I’m relieved. There’s not much that Rita’s Water Ice won’t fix.

I brush her hair and look at her shoe choice. Well, at least the green kind of matches the dress. She’s chosen a pair of black shorts to wear underneath and she has a plan to change as soon as she gets home. That works for me.

Her dad takes her to school and keeps me updated on her day. I check out the pictures he sends between my classes and I smile when I see her sweet face. Even though she wasn’t thrilled to wear the dress, she looks absolutely adorable and my heart swells at the thought that my baby is growing up so quickly.

I laugh when I see her goofy pose and wonder if she will be the teacher’s favorite this year. Of course she will, Allie is awesome. Who wouldn’t love her??? I see a picture of her wearing her name tag in the school’s playground and think about naming her when she was a baby. When I was pregnant, it took until I was 8 months along to find a name that felt right for the little soul in my belly. Watching an episode of “House Hunters,” I listened to the lady who was house hunting talk proudly about her daughter, Alessandra. And the rest, as they say, is history.

As promised, we head to Rita’s after school and share stories about the day. Maddie has started 2nd grade and she has A LOT to say. Maddie and Allie talk about their teachers, their classmates, where their desks are in the classroom, and all the other details that make the beginning of the year so exciting. It’s one of those milestone days that are heartwarming and bittersweet.

I know hindsight is 20/20. And I know that events from our past give an opportunity for us to learn and grow as people. But when I look at these pictures, I no longer smile with pride. I cringe and feel some shame. I guilted Allie into expressing herself as female by making her wear a dress. It is something that many moms have done and will continue to do, and in most cases, we do it because we believe we are doing the right thing. This is one of those moments in time that will continue to sting upon recall, but I feel some solace in knowing that Allie doesn’t hold it against me. After all, at that point, I still didn’t understand what was really going on.