The Holiday Outfit

As is typical with the beginning of the school year, the holidays creep up quickly and I am unprepared. It’s mid-November and Mom decides that she wants to take the kids on a train ride with Santa. “It’s something different,” she says, “and we can have the kids take their pictures with Santa on the ride.”

It sounds great to me. If it means I can avoid the horrendous mall Santa experience, I’m in. I mean, yes, we’ve gotten some pretty good pictures over the years. But, no, it was never worth it.

Time to Shop

2016 promises to be a better experience, or so I tell myself. I tell Mom that I’ll take care of getting their holiday outfits. She usually picks them out, but I know this year we aren’t going to be able to do any matching over-the-top frilly ensembles. I’m still feeling guilty about forcing Allie into wearing a dress for the first day of school, so I decide that I’m going to let her pick out what she wants and find something to coordinate for Maddie.

I grab the girls after school and head to Burlington. When it comes to special outfits, discount shopping is really the only option. Why pay full price when they’ll only wear it twice?

As we walk into the store, I explain to Allie that she’s the boss today. She can pick out what she wants to wear for her holiday outfit and I won’t give her a hard time. She looks at me and smiles. We are off to a good start.

Maddie immediately runs to the frilly dresses and starts grabbing things off the rack. She’s 7-going-on-17, and as far as she is concerned, the more glitz and glam, the better. I try to reign in her excitement a bit and tell her to pick out her favorite. With so many cute choices, she is frustrated by being limited to just one. As she starts weighing her options, I see Allie has wandered away from the dress section. She’s standing at the end of an aisle in the little boy section, staring at an outfit that includes a button-down dress shirt, tie, and vest.

My stomach is in knots and I have to fight against my desire to steer her back toward the dresses.

“Is that an outfit you like, Allie?”

She nods and looks at me. She’s studying me, waiting for my reaction.

“Okay, let’s see if they have it in your size. Can we get the one with the red shirt? That will match Maddie’s red dress.”

Allie’s face lights up and she all but yells, “sure!” The smile stays plastered on her face until we get home.

I call Mom and let her know about the outfits that the girls picked out. She says that she is sure they will both look adorable. I’m relieved that Allie is happy, but I’m anxious about how she is going to be perceived by others. Guilt washes over me, yet again. It feels like a storm is brewing inside and I can’t see my way through it. I decide to just roll with it and take Allie’s lead.

The Santa Train

A couple weeks later, the day of the Santa train arrives and Allie can’t wait to try on her outfit.

I straighten her tie and tuck in her shirt. She is on top of the world, loving her outfit and happy that I’m helping her with it. She does look adorable, and that helps ease the sting of the moment. I miss seeing my Allie in the silly matching dresses, and I know I will never see her in another one.

We get to the train early and grab some seats. It’s less stressful than the mall, which is a relief. It’s a commuter train that is similar to one you’d ride between 69th Street and the suburbs. We jostle around and watch Santa work his way down the aisle, spending time sitting with each family along the way. Maddie is excited and Allie is growing impatient.

They decide to snuggle up with their Mom-Mom and spend the next few minutes giggling and whispering secrets among the three of them. It’s a cute moment and it’s nice to see Allie distracted and smiling again.

Finally, Santa makes his way to us and has a seat. He has a woman with him dressed as an elf. She makes a big fuss over Maddie and Allie, telling them how cute they look. Maddie beams and Allie looks shy. The elf looks at Allie and says, “I love your outfit! I know why you picked it out, because I always wear shorts under my dress. It makes me feel more comfortable.” With that, the elf lifts up her skirt to show bicycle shorts under her costume. Allie giggles and looks instantly more relaxed.

Now it’s time for Santa. Maddie and Allie are ready with their lists. I watch them and smile. For the first time all day, I am able to enjoy the moment and stop being preoccupied about Allie. I’m just watching my kids enjoying their time with Santa. There’s nothing complicated or stressful about it. I laugh with them and take some pictures. Mom is thrilled that it’s a success. It’s a good day.